The Final Drink

It’s somehow fitting that in the final week of One A Day on this blog, there should be a post fuelled by alcohol that relies on tippy-tap, crazy-slow, one-finger typing to get it down. After all, there have been a good few of these over the past year. None of them have been any good, either. I used to think that one day I’d be able to write something brilliant while drunk, but it hasn’t turned out that way. Indeed, most wine-tastic posts on this blog have been a war of attrition, a bitter fight towards the minimum 150 words. Such a fight, in fact, that I’ve often been forced to eschew the number and write it out to gain extra words.

But those posts were great in another way – they epitomised the crazy level of stubbornness required to get to this point. Think about it. Your vision is swimming, your muscles won’t respond, you’re wanting to fall off to sleep – and yet you have this challenge, this call to arms: to write a blog entry. Insanely, you still want it to be good. You turn your PC on, and while you’re waiting for it to load up, you take another swig of wine. Big mistake. By the time you’re able to click on the Google Chrome icon and see it respond, your keyboard skills are like bullet-time in real-time. You sit there, eyes glazing over, forcing one finger onto one key. Then the next finger onto another key, and so on. You’re typing like Ray Liotta would in Hannibal after Anthony Hopkins has fried his brain. But in the end, you get there. You hit ‘submit’. Victory!

But then you wake up the next morning, read what you’ve written, and think, “Oh, what the fu…”

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