OK, lads. Let’s go over tonight’s performance (and every other fucking performance in the whole series).
Yeah, Liam, you sing the first four lines, right? And then the next four.
Onto Harry. You sing the next bit, yeah. And the next bit.
Right lads, ALL SING THE CHORUS. Zain, you can have a “Wooo wo wo wo wooooo” moment, but just on one word, OK? One word, no more. Pretend you’re Christina Aguilera without the tits.
Right, Liam again. Then Harry again. Then the big chorus. Then the key change – give it all you’ve got, fellas. Remember it’s a note higher – yes, I’m looking at you, Zain, you always get it wrong. Alright… alright, Zainy, you can do one more “wooo wo wo wo woooo” if you absolutely have to.
No, Louis. No, Niall. We’ve talked about this. You’re not allowed to sing on your own. But maybe… er… next week.
And please, please, please – no harmonies. I don’t think we could take it.
(EDIT: When I publish a post, WordPress’s clever algorithims suggest a link that they think could appeal to the people who’ve read this entry. Brilliantly, the recommended post this time is entitled “Karaoke”.)