Sausages

I was wrong last night when writing about The Apprentice, when I predicted which candidate would be the biggest twat. Actually, it was this guy:

Dan Harris bravely took on the role of Project Manager in the opening task of selling sausages, but unfortunately he was from the Brian Blessed school of management WHERE EVERYTHING IS SOLVED BY SHOUTING. He bullied his teammates, yelled at them constantly, insisted on four of them doing a stocktake during the core selling hours of the task, and generally came across as a very angry man indeed. It was easy to imagine that he’s like this all the time in the workplace. Indeed, I can recall working for at least one manager in the past who was rather similar. They’re everywhere.

That’s not to say that everyone else on the show was sweetness and light, however. Stuart Baggs’ sales technique involved harrassing passers-by on the street and being rather aggressive with them. He was also rather mouthy in the boardroom, and almost got himself fired by being the most awful of brown-nosers (“Lord Sugar, you’re one of the most successful people in this country, if not THE WORLD…”). He described himself as being a brand, but when challenged on what this meant, could only answer, “Um….” Nonetheless, he’s TV gold so I imagine he’ll stay in for a few more weeks yet.

The only really obnoxious person on the women’s team so far is Melissa Cohen, who looks like a psychopathic peroxide evil twin of Shell from Big Brother 5. Her insistence on having to finish every sale she started, was part of a rather amusing rant directed at her Project Manager (who was surprisingly calm and measured when faced with this spitting devil-woman). She’s another one of those people who seems to have an ego the size of a planet but the common sense of a slightly slow lemming.

The boys lost the task by a measly £15, which eventually gave Suralan – sorry, The Dark Lord Sugar – a difficult decision about who to fire between Shouty Dan, Bullshitter Stuart and self-confessed “unconventional” (translation: strangely weird) Alex Epstein, who seemed to have been picked for the chop solely because he looks incapable of shouting at anyone. Luckily Sugar, after the customary tension, decided to off Dan, and so thankfully I’ll be able to keep the volume up on the telly next week without disturbing the neighbours.

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