Monday Blues

I’m not having a great time at the moment. It’s three quarters of the way through the year and I still don’t have a literary agent, so I’m starting to feel like I’m going to fail in my New Year’s Resolution. I’m really not enjoying my job (as readers of last week’s blog entries may just about have worked out!). My stammer is seriously bugging me to the point where I wish voice box transplants existed – I had one phone call today where midway through I just wanted to burst into tears and run out of the office as it was so bad. Oh, and my Grandpa is still in hospital. Overall, life feels like it’s in one big holding pattern where I’m totally reliant on other people to “let” me make steps forward, and even though I’m far from being a control freak I don’t like feeling this powerless. If it wasn’t for my lovely wife and very cute cats I think I’d be pretty depressed.

I don’t actually know what being depressed is like, though. I don’t wake up wanting to kill myself, or feel like crying and going back to sleep, but I do know that I’m not particularly happy in anything apart from my personal life. All this could be changed in an instant if I get positive feedback about my manuscript sometime in the next few days, but the way my luck’s going at the moment I’ve reverted to being rather underconfident about the whole endeavour.

Hopefully a couple of good nights’ sleep will sort me out, as I’m rather run down, too, and that certainly doesn’t help my stammer, mood or stress level. My holiday in November can’t come soon enough as far as I’m concerned. Indeed, I reckon I should think about taking a couple of days off in the meantime.

Right. Depressing blog entry over. Tomorrow I’ll try my best to be more enthusiastic about things. It could be worse. I could be David Miliband.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Monday Blues

  1. Sounds a bad case of Scriptor Miserabilis (aka Writer’s Blues). Last time I had that was when I sent off a tv script to some scheme and basically didn’t breathe for the six weeks it took to get feedback. When the feedback was bad, I spent another six weeks angry.

    Then I realised it was an utter 12 week waste of time. Now I just write, send, write, send. Any feedback I get I take on board if it makes sense and ignore it if it doesn’t.

    This hasn’t made overnight success more likely, but it has made me write more – and the more you write the better you get.

    What do you care what other people think? Your writing is your writing. Nobody else could have written your manuscript. It’s your unique view.

    Whether it gets published is largely unrelated to how good it is.

  2. Jen

    As someone in a job I really want to get out of asap and seemingly little chance of succeeding at my new Year’s Resolution, I can really empathise with your blues.

    Hope your week picks up and your grandad gets better asap.

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