Job Share (Part Two)

Amazing scenes! No, that’s a complete lie. For after the amazing exploits that formed part one of my thrilling journey into taking over my brother’s work for a couple of weeks, this entry is a similar tale of abject boredom. But, to any of you fortunate enough not to enter the world of office life yet, this is what it’s really like. So go on your ten-year backpacking odyssey. Become an actor, an astronaut, or a drainage technician. Anything! Don’t do this! It’s bad for you.

Today was matching up day. It’s when the timesheets are put with the invoices and then with the payslips and then with the massive incinerator that burns them all into charred remains while I sit behind the lever laughing maniacally… no, wait, strike my last. That’s only in my dreams.

But dreaming is pretty much all there is to do in terms of cognitive brain function while reading the timesheet numbers on the invoices, matching them to the specific timesheets on my big pile, ripping off the blue timesheet copies (for the hospitals) and attaching them to the invoices, and then filing the top copy of each timesheet in its correct place in the cardboard A to Z file (filed by nurse’s surname) for later. This blog entry was brought to you by the word “timesheet” and the letters “zzzzz”. I find myself dreaming really imaginative stuff, like not being shit-faced bored.

After all the invoices are sorted and put in their own big pile, timesheets attached, it’s time to tackle one of the two copies of the pay reports, which are similar to the invoice backing sheets in that they say which nurse has worked which shifts. Excitingly, though, the backing sheets are arranged by hospital, whereas the pay reports are arranged by nurse. I know, you’re stunned. I do that with my words. It’s a natural reaction. No, thank you. And since the surname of each nurse is on each pay report, it’s easy to file them into an A to Z order, and then use the A to Z file (with the payslips in it, remember) to paperclip the right payslips to the right pay reports. By the time everything has been arranged correctly, my tongue has lolloped to the back of my throat, and my eyes have glazed upwards so far that they’ve come back around to their correct position.

Then it’s time to leap majestically towards my laptop to load up the Sage Payroll program and actually think about paying the nurses. Which is what tomorrow’s blog entry will be all about, if I haven’t already killed myself.

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