Mike, The Viagra Salesman

I woke up today to a barrage of thirty five emails – a variety of failed delivery notes, out of office replies and “wait, this isn’t really you, is it?” missives. My Gmail account had been hacked overnight by a fellow (or robot) apparently based in Columbia, who decided to spam the contacts in my address book with promises of cheap Viagra. Joy. My friends and professional acquaintances at least didn’t believe that I’d suddenly turned into a pimp of erectile function, so that’s a silent compliment, surely.

Mortally embarrassed by the whole affair, I’ve taken steps to change my password to something even more secure than before, and I’ve checked that all my account settings are just so. Problem solved. Yes, I know people will understand that it wasn’t my fault, but even so it’s pretty cringeworthy stuff and I hate to think how many emails I’m going to get on Monday when people return to work. Hopefully I won’t have pissed anyone off.

What I simply can’t understand is the motivation behind such hacking. I mean, has anyone reading this blog EVER clicked on one of those random links? “Oh, that Mike, he must have changed careers to become a Viagra salesman. Or maybe he just wanted to helpfully point out the poor quality of my sex life.” See what I mean? It’s mental. No one clicks on the links! It’s pathetically obvious when an email account has been hacked and you receive links with massive numbers of exclamation marks near them accompanied by laughable pigeon ‘Eeenglaze’. Except, someone must fall for it. Otherwise, how would the bounders earn the money to make such hacking worth it in the first place?

Anyway, I’ve crossed Columbia off my Christmas card list and will make it my mission in life to continually insult the hair of Carlos Valderrama. Seems only fair.

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