Here’s my dictionary definition of irony: Nick Griffin taking full advantage of the impartiality and fairness rules that govern broadcasting during election time, to peddle his agenda of unfair inequality. This all comes about because of Ofcom’s Broadcasting Code, which states that “appropriate coverage (must be given) to other parties and independent candidates with significant views and perspectives”, outside the so-called major parties. As such, the BBC and others feel legally bound to allow Griffin a day to wander around the television and radio studios, giving a whole load of interviews. (Appropriate coverage? I’d stick him in the Broom Cupboard and let Edd the Duck kick the shit out of him. That’d be a pay-per-view highlight and no mistake.)
The interviews are often more hostile than you’d expect other party leaders to cope with (everyone suddenly turns into a pastiche of Paxman), but still within the bounds of so-called fairness. Of course, for anyone with any sense, this kid gloves bollocks is namby-pamby shite: “Mr Griffin, are you perhaps maybe somewhat somehow occasionally not particularly nice, not that I’m saying horrible, but certainly not very jolly towards people of a certain ethnic persuasion?” (As opposed to what the presenter’s actually thinking: “Get out of my studio, you dribbling, slimy little racist twat.”)
Griffin’s interview answers today attempted to stagger across the usual tightrope between the BNP’s attempted public face and the truth. When asked about civil partnerships on 5Live, for example, he was trying to sound tolerant by saying that adults should be able to do what they want to do within their own homes, but then spoke about gay unions devaluing marriage, meaning that civil partnerships should be stopped. It’s all in the language. It’s hard to describe, but there’s the occasional word and the way he says things that betray his true feelings even as he tries to hide them. What he wants is for his party to appear reasonable – that’s the public face I talked about earlier. But it’s oh so obvious that beneath the surface lies the devilish glint of full-on racism and the encouragement of white Britain to assert itself against minorities.
So far, so Question Time then, but there was one brilliant moment on Griffin’s 5Live appearance. It came when a caller asked him about the BNP’s policy on support for the arts. Griffin was, for a moment, lost for words – I don’t think he’s ever been asked that question before. He eventually blustered that… well… er… if people want art… er… then they should buy it themselves because that money could be put into help for pensioners! Let’s think about that for a moment. No more free museums or school trips to museums (particularly not any museum featuring history, eh? There might be something there to do with the Holocaust, after all). I mean it’s not as if art and culture are important educational tools for the nation’s kids, eh?
Then again (snob alert coming up!), it was hardly a surprising answer really. A group of racist, violent, neanderthilic skinheads not appreciating the value of the arts? Mr Holmes would absolutely not be thinking about going to the toilet for a number two at this point.
Ever seen an illiterate child munch on a crayon and then spit it out over a bit of paper? No? What about picking up said paper after the event and using it as an economic manifesto? Still no? That’s what the BNP have done. I had to perform a self-lobotomy after reading their plans, as I could feel my IQ draining away as I struggled to comprehend the sheer level of stupidity involved in their construction.
Firstly, special mention of this: “The banksters cannot be let off the hook for their role in the current financial crisis. The BNP demands that the banksters responsible for the catastrophe which has crippled the international banking system be held personally legally liable for their actions in terms of corporate governance laws.” Now, you might be thinking there are typos there, caused by inadequate schooling, anger management issues or maybe the Number 1 Clippers straying a bit close to the brain stem, but no. In this official policy statement, the BNP have combined the words “banker” and “gangster” to form the word “bankster”. I remind you, in an OFFICIAL POLICY STATEMENT.
The rest of it consists of banning foreign imports, stopping foreign aid, stopping any EU subsidies, making sure that British jobs go to British workers, and state nationalising pretty much everything, probably including this blog. It’s as if Adolf Hitler was combined with the 1980s incarnation of Tony Benn in the form of a screen-filling videogame boss. Attack its weak point (the words) for massive damage. And for God’s sake, don’t vote for it.
In the spirit of fairness and impartiality, however, I should point out that the Tories want to give an inheritance tax cut to the rich, the Lib Dems plan to add VAT to the sales of new homes, and Gordon Brown. Ofcom can’t touch me.